Yup, that's me and my lovely bride. These are some of our favorites from our engagement session with photographer Brian Kraft at Red Rocks. Stay tuned for our wedding pictures, they're pretty too....
11/30/12
My Wedding Engagement Photos
In an effort to keep the love alive today and fight back the frustration of having to wait out the weekend or possibly even longer, for some kind of statement from SCOTUS regarding The Defense of Marriage Act, I've decided to get sentimental and focus on how incredibly lucky I am.
11/9/12
The Strength of the Strong
I am still celebrating the results of the election. For the first hour after it was confirmed that we would have four more years with Barack Obama as our president my wife sat on the couch concerned, expecting something terrible to happen. But the good news kept coming. We couldn't believe our good fortune when Maine, Maryland, and Washington all voted for same sex marriage. Minnesotans were celebrating victory over an attempt at a same sex marriage ban and Iowa elected to keep Justice David Wiggins - one of the justices responsible for ruling to legalize same sex marriage in Iowa.
Then in Colorado we learned that the House and the Senate is now controlled by democrats and the new speaker is none other than openly gay Mark Ferrandino who will give civil unions a fair shot in Colorado this year - take that Frank McNulty!
We are feeling blessed. And when I think that maybe this is all too good to be true, that maybe, like my wife expected, something bad is going to happen to balance it all out - I remember all that we've had to go through just to get here. I remember the stories of the individuals whose struggles, tragedies, experience and endurance helped us to these victories. There is, of course, a long way to go before all LGBT Americans are treated equally under the law, but progress is so sweet.
One such story that was instrumental in legalizing same sex marriage in Washington State came to my attention last year when I heard a podcast from The Moth featuring Charlene Strong. This story hit me unaware and as a result I was bawling like a baby in public, so be warned, you may want to have some kleenex at the ready.
Incredible. But you know what else? Charlene Strong is incredible. After this terrible event in her life, she worked with all of her might to make sure it would never happen to anyone else. She championed legislation that became Washington State's Domestic Partnership Law, she was the subject of the award winning documentary "For My Wife," she's on Washington State's Human Rights Commission, and works like crazy doing interviews, speaking engagements, and writing articles supporting equality and social justice. In short, she's one badass activist that I personally want to thank for all that she's done for lesbiankind. For more information on Charlene Strong, visit her website
Then in Colorado we learned that the House and the Senate is now controlled by democrats and the new speaker is none other than openly gay Mark Ferrandino who will give civil unions a fair shot in Colorado this year - take that Frank McNulty!
We are feeling blessed. And when I think that maybe this is all too good to be true, that maybe, like my wife expected, something bad is going to happen to balance it all out - I remember all that we've had to go through just to get here. I remember the stories of the individuals whose struggles, tragedies, experience and endurance helped us to these victories. There is, of course, a long way to go before all LGBT Americans are treated equally under the law, but progress is so sweet.
One such story that was instrumental in legalizing same sex marriage in Washington State came to my attention last year when I heard a podcast from The Moth featuring Charlene Strong. This story hit me unaware and as a result I was bawling like a baby in public, so be warned, you may want to have some kleenex at the ready.
Incredible. But you know what else? Charlene Strong is incredible. After this terrible event in her life, she worked with all of her might to make sure it would never happen to anyone else. She championed legislation that became Washington State's Domestic Partnership Law, she was the subject of the award winning documentary "For My Wife," she's on Washington State's Human Rights Commission, and works like crazy doing interviews, speaking engagements, and writing articles supporting equality and social justice. In short, she's one badass activist that I personally want to thank for all that she's done for lesbiankind. For more information on Charlene Strong, visit her website
She's fantastic... and so is he.
11/6/12
Vote!
Here it is, election day! We've survived a season of election ads, insults, phone calls and junk mail. Now you have a job to do....vote vote vote!!!
So, here's a reminder (in case you still need one):
President/Vice President -----> Obama/Biden
Minnesota Marriage Amendment -----> Vote NO
Washington Approve Referendum 74 -----> Vote YES
Maine Question 1 -----> Vote YES
Maryland Question 6 -----> Vote YES
Iowa vote to keep Supreme Court Justice David Wiggins ----->Vote YES
For a list of pro-equality Colorado house and senate candidates visit: http://www.one-colorado.org/news/colorado-pro-equality-candidates/
For more information on marriage equality ballot issues visit: http://www.afer.org/election2012/
"We are here in direct relation to the heroes and she-roes who paid with their lives for this right. Many of us are old enough to remember what it felt like to be told we could not register to vote without taking a test or paying a poll tax. Some were asked how many angels danced on a head of a pin, how many bubbles were in a bar of soap. We are here because four courageous college freshmen sat down at a lunch counter in Greensboro in 1960, four years before the passage of the Civil Rights Act, to make a stand for equality. It’s a terrible thing to obstruct access to the ballot. But we follow all those who had the courage to dare to live so we can dare to live.
Because of them, we are here. So vote to keep moving us forward. And carry with you your friends, family and neighbors. Carry them from your congregations, your beauty salons and barbershops, your sororities and fraternities. Carry with you those five people whose vote could make the difference. You may be pretty or plain, heavy or thin, gay or straight, poor or rich. But nobody has more votes than you. All human beings are more equal to each other than they are unequal. And voting is the great equalizer. It is important. It is imperative. There is no time for complacency."- Maya Angelou, writing for the Winston-Salem Journal.
So, here's a reminder (in case you still need one):
President/Vice President -----> Obama/Biden
Minnesota Marriage Amendment -----> Vote NO
Washington Approve Referendum 74 -----> Vote YES
Maine Question 1 -----> Vote YES
Maryland Question 6 -----> Vote YES
Iowa vote to keep Supreme Court Justice David Wiggins ----->Vote YES
For a list of pro-equality Colorado house and senate candidates visit: http://www.one-colorado.org/news/colorado-pro-equality-candidates/
For more information on marriage equality ballot issues visit: http://www.afer.org/election2012/
10/23/12
You Don't Own Me Mittens
I love this song, the message, and Lesley Gore... and a little Miranda July makes me love it even more.
10/18/12
Lesbian Film Review: Edie and Thea: A Very Long Engagement
The film begins with Edith Windsor and Thea Spyer, two elderly ladies casually presenting their life together through a slide show of old vacation photos, party pictures, and elegant snap shots of the two women together.
In their own words Edie and Thea recount their relationships with their families, careers, and most importantly, each other. Photos of these two gorgeous women slide by one after another as we hear how they met and danced holes in their stockings at the Portofino, an underground Lesbian bar; how Edie begged her way to the Hamptons for a chance meeting with Thea, and how they fell in love. In 1967 Thea proposed to Edie with a circular diamond pin (because a ring would draw unwanted attention). Their engagement lasted for forty years, and during that time they just kept on dancing. At age 45, Thea was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis but that didn't slow them down. When Thea was confined to a wheel chair they threw a "just married" sign on the back and dressed up as newlyweds for Halloween. They kept on dancing with Edie sitting on Thea's lap as she drove her motorized wheelchair around the dance floor.
In 2005 same sex marriage became legal in Canada. In 2007 Thea's doctors told her she only had a year left to live. Edie and Thea decided it was time and the film follows them as they pack up Thea's medical equipment and make the trip to Canada to be married. The two women are teary eyed and smiling as Harvey Brownstone, Canada's first openly gay judge pronounces them "spouses for life." One of my favorite moments of this beautiful film, besides almost all of it, is the speech that Edie gives upon returning to New York. We see in Edie, this tiny, older woman a new strength and determination as she shares the following:
"Thea looks at her ring everyday and thinks of herself as officially a member of a special species who can love and couple until death do them part. The word marriage itself conveys clearly that you and your spouse love each other and are united and belong together. It represents the ultimate expression of love and commitment between two people. And everyone understands that, in the whole world everyone understands that."
In our happiness for their new married life together we are reminded of how ill Thea is. The film follows Edie through her nighttime routine as Thea's care giver, tucking her in, connecting breathing tubes, and kissing her goodnight. We see them chatting poolside after Thea has been lifted out and sat on a chair with a towel around her shoulders. They talk about the end, how long they've lasted and how important it is to not postpone joy. Their admiration for each other is clear and no matter how many times I've seen this documentary I cry every time it comes to an end.
**Two years later, Thea died and Edie suffered a heart attack in her grief. Edie's personal tragedy is now a public issue. Even though the state of New York recognized the couples marriage, DOMA (The Defense Against Marriage Act) does not. Edie was charged over $300,000 in inheritance taxes which any straight spouse would not have been charged. Edie, remarkable as ever, is fighting hard to overturn this with the help of the ACLU and to declare DOMA as unconstitutional. Today they had another victory in a Federal Appeals Court. All that's left is a ruling by the Supreme Court which is expected sometime after the November election.
10/16/12
Priorities
I have a hard time understanding why some of my friends and loved ones are considering voting for Mitt Romney. I find myself taking personal offense to their choice. It's hard for me to listen to their indecisiveness when for me the choice is so clear, Obama.
I've decided that it all comes down to priorities. We all have different priorities, and for some, my civil rights are not at the top of their list of priorities, something else is. I may not understand what their priorities are, but I want to make it very clear what mine are, and this video does a pretty excellent job.
I've decided that it all comes down to priorities. We all have different priorities, and for some, my civil rights are not at the top of their list of priorities, something else is. I may not understand what their priorities are, but I want to make it very clear what mine are, and this video does a pretty excellent job.
10/14/12
Brandi Carlile's Wedding Pic
Since I wrote previously about their engagement I thought I'd better give everyone an update. Brandi Carlile just shared the following on her Facebook page. Congratulations to the happy couple:
Hey everyone!
It's long overdue but I
want to update everyone on our wedding!
It was a total blast! We
got married in a falling down barn and we had an amazing bluegrass band called
Pickled Okra, a Molly Moons ice cream truck, cupcakes, wood fired pizza and our
favorites The Secret Sisters played an amazing set.
I got pretty teary during
the ceremony but Catherine was graceful and composed in true British fashion!
Cath’s mom made an amazing speech and my mom, sister and Amber made the whole
day possible.
See I’m sure all weddings
have an insane week preceding the event but me and Catherine might have won
that contest.... Neither one of us could have even dreamed of getting cold
feet! We had a house full of English women and one Southerner! Bailey (the dog)
had to be rushed to the vet on our wedding day, and the day before the wedding
we had to put down one of our goats (RIP Tim). To top it all off our priest
didn't show up! Ha ha! (Not her fault but it'll be one of those funny stories
well be telling for years). My church friends Jason and Mandy were there and
Jason performed the perfect ceremony with 15 minutes notice!
It was truly one of our
best days, completely awkward and human and beautiful. I'm married to my best
friend and nothing has ever brought me more joy than that.
Thanks for all the love and
acceptance we've experienced from our friends and families, even those of you
we’ve yet to meet.
xobc
10/10/12
National Coming Out Day
Today, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. To celebrate I've got a video of some of my favorite openly gay and lesbian celebrity figures who have courageously, and openly come out of the closet.
By risking their reputations, careers, and privacy to tell the truth and come out as openly gay they have each chipped away at a bit of the fear that surrounds coming out for many closeted men and women all across the world. Some of them did it for truth, others for love, but everyone decided to do it because it was the right thing to do. Those of us who have passed this major milestone can attest, things are a lot happier on the other side.
For those of you still waiting for the right time to come out... there's no time like the present (especially when you've got a whole day dedicated to it)
By risking their reputations, careers, and privacy to tell the truth and come out as openly gay they have each chipped away at a bit of the fear that surrounds coming out for many closeted men and women all across the world. Some of them did it for truth, others for love, but everyone decided to do it because it was the right thing to do. Those of us who have passed this major milestone can attest, things are a lot happier on the other side.
For those of you still waiting for the right time to come out... there's no time like the present (especially when you've got a whole day dedicated to it)
10/4/12
My Lesbian Coming Out Story
October is LGBT History Month. Because our individual and collective histories are each so important I'm taking the opportunity to get reflective and share a bit of history about me - and my coming out story.
To begin I need to fill you in on the circumstances of my life before I was openly gay. Imagine if you will a small, Colorado mountain town. It was here that I grew up, went to church, took ballet lessons, and curled my hair each day at 6:30 am before I had to catch the bus for school. There were approximately two black kids, and a couple of Asian students who were all the adopted children of affluent white parents in my graduating class of 360 students.
I knew one lesbian; she was overweight and forty-five. She would sometimes fill in for the minister at my church but my parents would negatively mumble the word lesbian in the car on the way home after the service. Maybe it was something I learned from them or maybe it was my infatuation with being perceived as beautiful that made me yell "Lesbian!" and switch off the radio every time a Melissa Etheridge song played. I believed, much like some mothers who hear that their daughter is gay, that lesbians are women who've given up on men because they don't think they're attractive. The association I made between general unattractiveness and lesbianism was so strong that it was almost fact. A new girl at school who had acne, a short haircut, and several extra pounds equaled lesbian, it was as easy as that. I was a stick-thin ballerina with beautiful hair and a pretty face, there was no way I could be a lesbian.
Fast forward three years after high school and you would find me in New York City. I was working at a restaurant on Sullivan Street and hardly getting by with a few modelling gigs in between. I was depressed and lost because my dream of being the next Katharine Hepburn wasn't really working out. I was poor as hell, and even though I had balked at romantic relationships, children and monogamy in the past I was suddenly wondering what it was all about.
I decided it was about time I lost my virginity to the sandwich chef who was in love with me. I loved who he was and saw his potential, but I wasn't in love with him and I treated him horribly. He was the first one to sweetly suggest to me that maybe I was a lesbian.
As is my usual routine when I can't find the answers alone, I went to the library and picked up a book. I was careful to choose one that wouldn't embarrass me on the subway and found "The Girls: Sappho Goes to Hollywood" by Diana McLellan. I went home, and after reading the first chapter in the apartment I shared with my roommate in Park Slope, I had to shut my bedroom door. I was flushed, and a great surge of electricity was flip-flopping inside of me. I was certain that what I was feeling was manifesting itself in my physical appearance and I was scared. I was reading about these gorgeous, glamorous women like Greta Garbo, Marlene Deitrich, and Tallulah Bankhead intertwining their thin silken legs, kissing, touching, and forming real romantic relationships with one another. I never understood the term "turned on" until then, but I understood it suddenly as a dangerous and exhilarating thing.
After I read that book every woman was a lesbian to me. Hours were spent staring down teachers, bartenders, and relative strangers. I would lose my nerve the second they looked back but I wonder how many hours were spent staring at half closed lashes, perfectly plucked brow lines, collar bones and when feeling particularly brave - cleavage. My inner lesbian was in full blossom, but I was terrified. How could I tell my friends that I thought I was a lesbian? I mentioned my fear to a relative stranger who responded with "Well, why wouldn't you love women? They're soft, they smell good and they're beautiful." Instead of coming out, I moved.
A few years later I was in San Francisco and still hadn't told anyone that I was a lesbian. My excuse was that I had never been to bed with a woman so what did I really know? San Francisco was where I would figure it all out, away from the judgement of home, and surrounded by other gays.
Two months after arriving in San Francisco I found myself in a wine bar with my gay friend Billy. We were singing show tunes and getting drunk. The owner of the bar seemed entertained by us and poured us free wine and dared us to ridiculousness. She was daring herself, hilarious, and beautiful. Suddenly she started talking about her "ex-girlfriend" and those words cut through my buzz like lightning. I looked up and she was staring at me. I stared back and I didn't look away. While Billy sang and danced obliviously around us, we continued that stare until it was clear what it meant, what we intended, and how badly we wanted it.
Lust turned to love quickly. It was a first for me and it was like being hit by a truck. I thought of nothing else but her and I, what we had done the night before, what we would do the night after, and into the future. I tried to rationalize what a successful business owner, thirteen years older, could possibly want with me, a struggling student. I ignored the improbability of our life together because I wanted to believe in the possibility more than anything. It didn't take long into our nearly year long relationship for the cracks to appear but I kept spending the night hoping she'd wake up and commit to be with me. She gave me so much, but not what I ultimately wanted from her and it crushed me. I didn't understand the inequities of love; why A. wants B. but B. wants C. I needed to talk to somebody, I needed my Mom. And that's how my coming out began.
I pushed aside my fears because I needed a hug. I needed to be told it would all be okay and the only way the people I loved could do that for me is if I told them the circumstances of my misery. I think because I was so overwhelmed by the turmoil of unrequited love that I hardly noticed their shock, silence, hesitation or unease before the moment they pushed their reactions aside and tried to console my broken heart.
In time my heart did heal, to the best of its ability. I was excited to fall in love again, and was finally free to really look for it. My friends and family asked me more questions in their struggle to understand how I came to be a lesbian, but for many my being a lesbian was the answer to a lot of things. I became truly happy, and proud. I was now a part of the human race that knew what it was like to fall in love, and what it was like to lose. I no longer had to trust a story in a book, I knew for myself and it didn't matter that it was with another woman. I was normal. Gradually I became more secure in who I was, and so did the people around me. We all had challenged and changed our perceptions and as a result became nicer people.
That was ten years ago. Now I'm out to everyone: my employers, co-workers, my ninety-six year old grandmother, my father's evangelical friends, my junior high school art teacher - really anyone who is a part of my life. I always feel a little tension the first time I tell someone that I'm gay, or first mention my wife, but after that it is always better. In the last ten years I have never had someone turn me away, stop talking to me, or ridicule me for being a lesbian. In my experience most people are excited to learn that I'm a lesbian, are interested to hear about my marriage, and relax around my sharing something personal. My being out has made my life so much easier, raised my self esteem and made me genuinely happy. It's also made other people feel comfortable enough to tell me about their sexuality, even if they're not out to their own families. Having an ally, or simply knowing someone else who is gay can be the best thing for someone struggling to find the answers to their own tough questions.
I know not everyone has as smooth of a reception to coming out as I have had, but I've never met anyone who regrets it. When you hide your sexuality you also hide the matters of the heart, your self confidence, and your potential. Silence only seems to make life easier, but I assure you it doesn't. It may feel like you're protecting the ones around you or yourself, but what you're really doing is denying positive growth and change. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves love. Coming out makes it a lot easier to find both.
To begin I need to fill you in on the circumstances of my life before I was openly gay. Imagine if you will a small, Colorado mountain town. It was here that I grew up, went to church, took ballet lessons, and curled my hair each day at 6:30 am before I had to catch the bus for school. There were approximately two black kids, and a couple of Asian students who were all the adopted children of affluent white parents in my graduating class of 360 students.
I knew one lesbian; she was overweight and forty-five. She would sometimes fill in for the minister at my church but my parents would negatively mumble the word lesbian in the car on the way home after the service. Maybe it was something I learned from them or maybe it was my infatuation with being perceived as beautiful that made me yell "Lesbian!" and switch off the radio every time a Melissa Etheridge song played. I believed, much like some mothers who hear that their daughter is gay, that lesbians are women who've given up on men because they don't think they're attractive. The association I made between general unattractiveness and lesbianism was so strong that it was almost fact. A new girl at school who had acne, a short haircut, and several extra pounds equaled lesbian, it was as easy as that. I was a stick-thin ballerina with beautiful hair and a pretty face, there was no way I could be a lesbian.
Fast forward three years after high school and you would find me in New York City. I was working at a restaurant on Sullivan Street and hardly getting by with a few modelling gigs in between. I was depressed and lost because my dream of being the next Katharine Hepburn wasn't really working out. I was poor as hell, and even though I had balked at romantic relationships, children and monogamy in the past I was suddenly wondering what it was all about.
I decided it was about time I lost my virginity to the sandwich chef who was in love with me. I loved who he was and saw his potential, but I wasn't in love with him and I treated him horribly. He was the first one to sweetly suggest to me that maybe I was a lesbian.
As is my usual routine when I can't find the answers alone, I went to the library and picked up a book. I was careful to choose one that wouldn't embarrass me on the subway and found "The Girls: Sappho Goes to Hollywood" by Diana McLellan. I went home, and after reading the first chapter in the apartment I shared with my roommate in Park Slope, I had to shut my bedroom door. I was flushed, and a great surge of electricity was flip-flopping inside of me. I was certain that what I was feeling was manifesting itself in my physical appearance and I was scared. I was reading about these gorgeous, glamorous women like Greta Garbo, Marlene Deitrich, and Tallulah Bankhead intertwining their thin silken legs, kissing, touching, and forming real romantic relationships with one another. I never understood the term "turned on" until then, but I understood it suddenly as a dangerous and exhilarating thing.
After I read that book every woman was a lesbian to me. Hours were spent staring down teachers, bartenders, and relative strangers. I would lose my nerve the second they looked back but I wonder how many hours were spent staring at half closed lashes, perfectly plucked brow lines, collar bones and when feeling particularly brave - cleavage. My inner lesbian was in full blossom, but I was terrified. How could I tell my friends that I thought I was a lesbian? I mentioned my fear to a relative stranger who responded with "Well, why wouldn't you love women? They're soft, they smell good and they're beautiful." Instead of coming out, I moved.
A few years later I was in San Francisco and still hadn't told anyone that I was a lesbian. My excuse was that I had never been to bed with a woman so what did I really know? San Francisco was where I would figure it all out, away from the judgement of home, and surrounded by other gays.
Two months after arriving in San Francisco I found myself in a wine bar with my gay friend Billy. We were singing show tunes and getting drunk. The owner of the bar seemed entertained by us and poured us free wine and dared us to ridiculousness. She was daring herself, hilarious, and beautiful. Suddenly she started talking about her "ex-girlfriend" and those words cut through my buzz like lightning. I looked up and she was staring at me. I stared back and I didn't look away. While Billy sang and danced obliviously around us, we continued that stare until it was clear what it meant, what we intended, and how badly we wanted it.
Lust turned to love quickly. It was a first for me and it was like being hit by a truck. I thought of nothing else but her and I, what we had done the night before, what we would do the night after, and into the future. I tried to rationalize what a successful business owner, thirteen years older, could possibly want with me, a struggling student. I ignored the improbability of our life together because I wanted to believe in the possibility more than anything. It didn't take long into our nearly year long relationship for the cracks to appear but I kept spending the night hoping she'd wake up and commit to be with me. She gave me so much, but not what I ultimately wanted from her and it crushed me. I didn't understand the inequities of love; why A. wants B. but B. wants C. I needed to talk to somebody, I needed my Mom. And that's how my coming out began.
I pushed aside my fears because I needed a hug. I needed to be told it would all be okay and the only way the people I loved could do that for me is if I told them the circumstances of my misery. I think because I was so overwhelmed by the turmoil of unrequited love that I hardly noticed their shock, silence, hesitation or unease before the moment they pushed their reactions aside and tried to console my broken heart.
In time my heart did heal, to the best of its ability. I was excited to fall in love again, and was finally free to really look for it. My friends and family asked me more questions in their struggle to understand how I came to be a lesbian, but for many my being a lesbian was the answer to a lot of things. I became truly happy, and proud. I was now a part of the human race that knew what it was like to fall in love, and what it was like to lose. I no longer had to trust a story in a book, I knew for myself and it didn't matter that it was with another woman. I was normal. Gradually I became more secure in who I was, and so did the people around me. We all had challenged and changed our perceptions and as a result became nicer people.
That was ten years ago. Now I'm out to everyone: my employers, co-workers, my ninety-six year old grandmother, my father's evangelical friends, my junior high school art teacher - really anyone who is a part of my life. I always feel a little tension the first time I tell someone that I'm gay, or first mention my wife, but after that it is always better. In the last ten years I have never had someone turn me away, stop talking to me, or ridicule me for being a lesbian. In my experience most people are excited to learn that I'm a lesbian, are interested to hear about my marriage, and relax around my sharing something personal. My being out has made my life so much easier, raised my self esteem and made me genuinely happy. It's also made other people feel comfortable enough to tell me about their sexuality, even if they're not out to their own families. Having an ally, or simply knowing someone else who is gay can be the best thing for someone struggling to find the answers to their own tough questions.
I know not everyone has as smooth of a reception to coming out as I have had, but I've never met anyone who regrets it. When you hide your sexuality you also hide the matters of the heart, your self confidence, and your potential. Silence only seems to make life easier, but I assure you it doesn't. It may feel like you're protecting the ones around you or yourself, but what you're really doing is denying positive growth and change. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves love. Coming out makes it a lot easier to find both.
9/27/12
Lesbian Film Review - Desert Hearts
Desert Hearts came out back in 1985, almost twenty-seven years ago. It may be the first film to portray a happy lesbian ending - both women ride into the sunset together, alive, not apart, and not with a man on one arm or the other.
The story surrounds Vivian Bell, played by Helen Shaver, an elegant, sophisticated, Columbia University professor who has begun a six-week residency in Nevada while waiting to obtain a divorce. She has taken up temporary residence at a guest ranch in Reno for women seeking divorce (who knew?). Her host at the ranch is Frances, an older, single woman still grieving, (and drinking) for the man she had an affair with many years ago. Frances's brashness comes across as butch, but she's not the lesbian in this pic.
Vivian is cautious and seemingly cold but her lawyer is surprised by her requests for an end to her marriage without alimony or any form of restitution. She calmly explains that she is ending her marriage because she's seeking more in life, in love, and a relationship. She states her desire for these things but without the belief in their possibility.
Cay is a gangly, energetic, and brown-eyed, 25 year-old that we meet as she comes flying down the highway in a convertible shouting a conversation to Frances before driving off in the opposite direction. Cay is openly (yet cautiously) lesbian. She is also the daughter of the man Frances has been grieving for and lives at the ranch with the other women. Upon meeting Vivian, Cay is clearly drawn in. The two spend time together, shopping and talking. Cay is full of compliments, and advances though Vivian seems somewhat oblivious - she is a woman used to being pursued. We see from these interactions Vivian's guard begin to come down. She is warm, potentially brave and beautiful.
Over time Cay's desire for Vivian gets the attention of Frances who promptly kicks Vivian out of the house. Although Frances loves Cay, she seems jealous and disapproves of her sexual pursuits, especially with the educated and affected woman she believes Vivian to be. Vivian's departure from the ranch is awkward and frustrating. Cay makes a spectacle and Vivian wants to hide away, avoiding contact with Cay and taking up residence at a nearby hotel.
Cay, ever diligent and naive continues her pursuit and eventually pushes her way into Vivian's hotel room. Vivian paces around the hotel room, nervously avoiding eye contact while trying to persuade Cay to leave. When she does finally look at Cay she sees her waiting, naked; resolved to stay. From here we watch Vivian unravel into a sexual awakening, into fear, into love, and into ecstasy. As far as lesbian sex scenes go, this one is lovely. Helen Shaver beautifully portrays every element of Vivian's fearful desire; every touch is felt, and every moment is registered. The two women shut the world away and become one, exploring each other for days, never seeming to leave each other's arms.
As they emerge from their lovemaking their circumstances as lesbians in 1950's rural America becomes more palpable. Both women exhibit courage as they try to figure out what happens next. Vivian's divorce is final and she is needed back at school. Cay escorts her to the train station and as they prepare to say goodbye Vivian invites Cay to escape with her to New York. Without luggage or preparation Cay accepts, and in the final moments of the film she boards the train at Vivian's side.
Yes this movie is over twenty years old, but it still resonates as a true and honest portrayal of lesbian love. If you can get beyond the saturated colors of the film, dated hair and wardrobe, and the awkward, often inferior acting of Patricia Charbonneau (Cay), you will surely get drawn in. Helen Shaver as Vivian is great, and the sweeping landscape of the American West frames the film beautifully. To top it off the film has a great soundtrack of Patsy Cline, Elvis Presley, and Johnny Cash (just to name a few).
According to director Donna Dietch's website, a sequel is in the works...
Cay is a gangly, energetic, and brown-eyed, 25 year-old that we meet as she comes flying down the highway in a convertible shouting a conversation to Frances before driving off in the opposite direction. Cay is openly (yet cautiously) lesbian. She is also the daughter of the man Frances has been grieving for and lives at the ranch with the other women. Upon meeting Vivian, Cay is clearly drawn in. The two spend time together, shopping and talking. Cay is full of compliments, and advances though Vivian seems somewhat oblivious - she is a woman used to being pursued. We see from these interactions Vivian's guard begin to come down. She is warm, potentially brave and beautiful.
Over time Cay's desire for Vivian gets the attention of Frances who promptly kicks Vivian out of the house. Although Frances loves Cay, she seems jealous and disapproves of her sexual pursuits, especially with the educated and affected woman she believes Vivian to be. Vivian's departure from the ranch is awkward and frustrating. Cay makes a spectacle and Vivian wants to hide away, avoiding contact with Cay and taking up residence at a nearby hotel.
Cay, ever diligent and naive continues her pursuit and eventually pushes her way into Vivian's hotel room. Vivian paces around the hotel room, nervously avoiding eye contact while trying to persuade Cay to leave. When she does finally look at Cay she sees her waiting, naked; resolved to stay. From here we watch Vivian unravel into a sexual awakening, into fear, into love, and into ecstasy. As far as lesbian sex scenes go, this one is lovely. Helen Shaver beautifully portrays every element of Vivian's fearful desire; every touch is felt, and every moment is registered. The two women shut the world away and become one, exploring each other for days, never seeming to leave each other's arms.
As they emerge from their lovemaking their circumstances as lesbians in 1950's rural America becomes more palpable. Both women exhibit courage as they try to figure out what happens next. Vivian's divorce is final and she is needed back at school. Cay escorts her to the train station and as they prepare to say goodbye Vivian invites Cay to escape with her to New York. Without luggage or preparation Cay accepts, and in the final moments of the film she boards the train at Vivian's side.
Yes this movie is over twenty years old, but it still resonates as a true and honest portrayal of lesbian love. If you can get beyond the saturated colors of the film, dated hair and wardrobe, and the awkward, often inferior acting of Patricia Charbonneau (Cay), you will surely get drawn in. Helen Shaver as Vivian is great, and the sweeping landscape of the American West frames the film beautifully. To top it off the film has a great soundtrack of Patsy Cline, Elvis Presley, and Johnny Cash (just to name a few).
According to director Donna Dietch's website, a sequel is in the works...
9/23/12
Quite A Peace
We've just finished watching seasons one and two of Lip Service, a great dramatic series about lesbians from the BBC. It's currently streaming on Netflix and may be my favorite lesbian television show for the following reason: it was produced by the BBC which means foreign accents, grit and humor, nudity and a fair amount of swearing.
It also seems like a much more realistic interpretation of lesbian life than anything Hollywood has produced. These ladies are in their early thirties, working in Glasgow, or trying to find work, fucking up, and dealing with normal events, they're not super glamorous, just lesbians navigating their way through their relationships with each other. Sure there is a few questionable things like who thought Cat and Frankie made any sense together? But the show keeps getting better and I think it has a lot to do with one pretty hot lady cop played by Heather Peace.
There's a lot of other really great character's as well, but Heather Peace is the only real lesbian actress on the show. And although that doesn't mean the others don't pull it off convincingly, it certainly adds a bit of intrigue into Sam; the pretty, responsible, loving, and successful cop with the challenging story line, and a butch swagger. Plus she's pretty adorable in real life too. Her partner Ellie posts ridiculously sweet pictures like this on Twitter:
And, when she's not doing the acting thing she's performing in music gigs all around Scotland and the UK. She has a band, and an album, Fairytales, which you can preview and purchase here. I'm a sucker for a pretty, talented lesbian who can play the guitar, but I'm also really interested in seeing what happens with Detective Sargent Sam Murray in Season 3 of Lip Service which hopefully will be in the works soon. Until then we will just have to watch and re-watch the first two seasons and wonder what will happen with Sam, and Lexy, and Tess, and Sadie, Frankie....
It also seems like a much more realistic interpretation of lesbian life than anything Hollywood has produced. These ladies are in their early thirties, working in Glasgow, or trying to find work, fucking up, and dealing with normal events, they're not super glamorous, just lesbians navigating their way through their relationships with each other. Sure there is a few questionable things like who thought Cat and Frankie made any sense together? But the show keeps getting better and I think it has a lot to do with one pretty hot lady cop played by Heather Peace.
There's a lot of other really great character's as well, but Heather Peace is the only real lesbian actress on the show. And although that doesn't mean the others don't pull it off convincingly, it certainly adds a bit of intrigue into Sam; the pretty, responsible, loving, and successful cop with the challenging story line, and a butch swagger. Plus she's pretty adorable in real life too. Her partner Ellie posts ridiculously sweet pictures like this on Twitter:
And, when she's not doing the acting thing she's performing in music gigs all around Scotland and the UK. She has a band, and an album, Fairytales, which you can preview and purchase here. I'm a sucker for a pretty, talented lesbian who can play the guitar, but I'm also really interested in seeing what happens with Detective Sargent Sam Murray in Season 3 of Lip Service which hopefully will be in the works soon. Until then we will just have to watch and re-watch the first two seasons and wonder what will happen with Sam, and Lexy, and Tess, and Sadie, Frankie....
9/19/12
For Pat and Dave
This year has been a struggle for all of us LGBTs fighting for equality in Colorado. We made some great strides but also saw first hand how grossly unfair some individuals and groups can be towards us. Back in April and May I was at the Capitol Building several days in a row, protesting, watching and waiting as the fate of the Civil Unions Bill was up and then down, and then back up again until its final death by a kill committee. During all of that drama I met some great people, and I learned a lot about Colorado Legislators, and the local political press. It seemed like one big dysfunctional family and since that time I've felt a kinship with those who stood out in front of the fight, and one such hero was Colorado State Senator Pat Steadman.
For those of you who don't know Pat, he's openly gay, a democrat, and this past week he lost his partner David Misner to pancreatic cancer. Dave and Pat were together for 11 years. They modeled the type of relationship that any couple would envy. In July the couple announced that Dave had been diagnosed with a deadly, aggressive cancer but they remained optimistic. Despite losing civil unions to political shenanigans Pat and Dave kept on going. And despite facing the underlined legal inequities that come with being LGBT and the challenge of dying, Pat and Dave kept going. Why? Because that's what you do when you love someone.
Their love, their struggle and their loss are real. But despite the pain of it all there is still a rallying spirit. Pat Steadman, one of our State's heroes needs us to rally around him now just like he rallied for all of us. None of us should have to experience the loss of a spouse, but it happens, and we are often powerless against it. But, we do have the power to change the law so that when terrible events like this do happen we aren't treated unfairly because we are gay. I know it sometimes feels like there is a long, hard road ahead of us before all Coloradans are considered equal under the eyes of the law, but we can't forget. Relationships like these are just too precious not to protect.
A memorial service will be held for Dave Misner on Monday, September 24th at 10:30 a.m. in Mitchell Hall at the Denver Botanic Gardens, 1007 York Street, Denver. Make a charitable donation to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network in memory of David Misner at http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/Dave_Misner/KeeptheMemoryAlive
9/7/12
How To Date A Lesbian - Step 1
The number of LGBT people out there today is thought to be somewhere between 7 - 14% of the population. So, if you think numerically about your chances of finding another lesbian (4-7%), but also a lesbian who is single, the right age, and one that you are emotionally and sexually attracted to you are left with maybe 1-2 % of the entire population. Daunting - (you are looking for a needle in a haystack, but she's your needle and I bet she's out there looking for you too).
The days of community dances and soda fountains is sadly over, but so are the days of underground lesbian dating, thank goodness. We all spend more time on our computers than we do socializing with the people in our community and getting to know our neighbors. For these reasons finding a date through a friend, a church, or a bar can be a bit more difficult than it used to be.
Over ten years ago I was living in San Francisco and desperately wanted to find a date. I made a t-shirt out of the above image and wore it to Pride, I didn't even get a wink in my direction. So, I cut off all my hair so I would "look like a lesbian", but that didn't do it either. Turns out you have to actually ask for dates, not just wait for them to happen to you.
Today there are many resources out there to help you find the woman of your dreams. The best lesbian dating resource is right in front of you - your computer. "Online Dating" has gotten a bad rep in years past, but for a lesbian who wants to safely, and effeciently begin looking for love it is the greatest tool you have. You may still get the occasional creepy guy that for some reason has nothing better to do than respond to a dating ad that explicitly says NO MEN! but you will also meet real, true lesbians!
My advice: don't spread yourself too thin - as we learned above, you're looking for 1-2% of the population. There are a number of dating sites that now cater to same sex couples. Here are a few I think you should consider:
okcupid.com - This site seems to be the most populated lesbian dating site in most American cities/states. It's free, and it's where I met my wife. If you fill out a number of dating surveys your search is narrowed to women who want the same things as you do in a relationship and you get a rate on your possible compatibility.
match.com - Also a lot of lesbians on this site, but you have to pay and it's not particularly cheap. If you're frugal like me choose the free profile and then in your description somewhere remark how you can be found on other dating sites. If someone is really interested they will track you down on another site and you can save your money for your first date.
pinkcupid.com - This is a newer site but it is exclusively for lesbians. It may take a few years for it to build up a good reputation, but it is rapidly growing.
craigslist.com - I met my best friend in the women seeking women section. We corresponded back and forth, met up for dinner but the physical attraction wasn't mutual. Best friends are awesome too.
To be a good online dater you've got to know what you want and not be afraid to go get it. Don't waste another woman's time postponing a real life meeting if you're just not interested, it's not a very nice thing to do. Also, if you just want to screw around say so, and if you're looking for the uhaul put it out there, honesty is truly the best policy here. Correspond via email a couple of times to make sure that you've got some type of connection. When you're comfortable ask for a meeting, I recommend a coffee shop or public place just to be on the safe side. First meetings can be awkward but if you've built up some communication through email just continue the conversation in person.
The best advice I can give you is to be patient. Dating can sometimes share the same type of drudgery as job hunting. You can get really excited and build up another woman in your head and then when you meet you are disappointed or it just doesn't work out and you are left feeling defeated and exhausted. Be patient, don't give up, and have faith that when the time is right you will find her.
A+ for Lesbian Families
Zach Wahls, the shining example of what kind of child lesbian moms can raise speaks at the DNC.
9/5/12
Mama Obama
Last night at the Democratic National Convention first lady Michelle Obama gave the following speech:
It was a strange sensation for me to watch the first lady in the theatre and noise of the election speak so honestly and compassionately. Here the most famous woman in our country made me proud of America, proud of our president, and proud of who I am. I felt like she was speaking for me, not to me, and I became immensely proud. I wish that everyone would take a moment to watch - a solid 25 minutes of happiness.
It's often easy to get angry and impatient, and blame another, point fingers and get greedy. If we could all be a bit more compassionate, a bit more patient, and bit more generous then maybe we would stop taking all of our struggles for granted and keep pushing forward for what is right, together. At a time when we are being barraged by political ads and told how lousy each candidate is, and getting all up in each other's faces about Republican vs. Democrat and all of the lies in-between, it's humbling to hear a speech about kindness, pride, and sacrifice. I'm ready to be this proud for the next four years, are you?
It was a strange sensation for me to watch the first lady in the theatre and noise of the election speak so honestly and compassionately. Here the most famous woman in our country made me proud of America, proud of our president, and proud of who I am. I felt like she was speaking for me, not to me, and I became immensely proud. I wish that everyone would take a moment to watch - a solid 25 minutes of happiness.
It's often easy to get angry and impatient, and blame another, point fingers and get greedy. If we could all be a bit more compassionate, a bit more patient, and bit more generous then maybe we would stop taking all of our struggles for granted and keep pushing forward for what is right, together. At a time when we are being barraged by political ads and told how lousy each candidate is, and getting all up in each other's faces about Republican vs. Democrat and all of the lies in-between, it's humbling to hear a speech about kindness, pride, and sacrifice. I'm ready to be this proud for the next four years, are you?
8/29/12
Lesbian Book Review: The Price of Salt
I had The Price of Salt on my reading list for a while but thought that because it was older (published in 1952), that it could wait. However, I discovered recently that not only has it been put back in print, but that it's going to be made into a movie. Begin swooning because this lesbian movie will star two great australian actresses, Mia Wasikowska, and the amazing Cate Blanchett.
The image of Cate Blanchett dressed in a vintage Chanel suit longing for female affection became a very happy one for me and certainly steered my imagination as I began reading this book. But we don't meet the lovely Carol (Cate's role) until later on.
The story begins with Therese, a woman in her young twenties. Therese is an orphan who recently left the convent for New York City with aspirations of becoming a theatre set designer. She is half-dating a guy who seems to think they should eventually marry, although she acknowledges that something is missing in their relationship. She is kindly navigating through life and learning from the encounters she has with people at her new job in a department store.
Enter Carol, an affluent mother from the suburbs who's come into the department store to buy a doll for her young daughter. Therese's infatuation with Carol is immediate. She is stunned by this beautiful woman and after helping her select the perfect doll is overwhelmed by the meeting. After taking down Carol's address to send the doll, she decides to send her a Christmas card as well. Carol, upon receiving the card, calls on Therese and asks to meet for a drink.
We soon learn that Carol is going through a messy divorce and custody battle with her husband Harge. This battle grows as does Carol and Therese's relationship. Soon they are taking a cross country road trip in Carol's car and sharing their feelings (and bodies) with each other. As they travel west they soon realize that they are being followed, and have been for some time. Harge has hired a private investigator to tap their hotel rooms and document their every move. He is attempting to prove in this custody case that Carol is a homosexual and therefore unfit to be a mother (remember it's 1952).
The significance of this book lies in that very battle. In most states today your sexual orientation is explicitly not an issue in a custody battle. That being said if your ex-husband wants to fight you tooth and nail and you happen to get a biased judge then you could have some trouble. But imagine being Carol, a woman who has recently come out to herself and the woman she loves but is also forced into a choice between her child or Therese. I am extremely grateful for progress.
When this book was first published in 1952 it was done so under the pseudonym Claire Morgan. The real name of the author is Patricia Highsmith, author of The Talented Mr. Ripley and Strangers on a Train. Highsmith herself was bisexual and her lesbian relationship with writer Marijane Meaker was written about by Meaker in Highsmith: A Romance of the 1950s (now on my reading list). The Price of Salt also became famous for being the first lesbian pulp novel to have a happy ending. Read it for yourself to see if you agree..... or just wait for the movie.
The story begins with Therese, a woman in her young twenties. Therese is an orphan who recently left the convent for New York City with aspirations of becoming a theatre set designer. She is half-dating a guy who seems to think they should eventually marry, although she acknowledges that something is missing in their relationship. She is kindly navigating through life and learning from the encounters she has with people at her new job in a department store.
Enter Carol, an affluent mother from the suburbs who's come into the department store to buy a doll for her young daughter. Therese's infatuation with Carol is immediate. She is stunned by this beautiful woman and after helping her select the perfect doll is overwhelmed by the meeting. After taking down Carol's address to send the doll, she decides to send her a Christmas card as well. Carol, upon receiving the card, calls on Therese and asks to meet for a drink.
We soon learn that Carol is going through a messy divorce and custody battle with her husband Harge. This battle grows as does Carol and Therese's relationship. Soon they are taking a cross country road trip in Carol's car and sharing their feelings (and bodies) with each other. As they travel west they soon realize that they are being followed, and have been for some time. Harge has hired a private investigator to tap their hotel rooms and document their every move. He is attempting to prove in this custody case that Carol is a homosexual and therefore unfit to be a mother (remember it's 1952).
The significance of this book lies in that very battle. In most states today your sexual orientation is explicitly not an issue in a custody battle. That being said if your ex-husband wants to fight you tooth and nail and you happen to get a biased judge then you could have some trouble. But imagine being Carol, a woman who has recently come out to herself and the woman she loves but is also forced into a choice between her child or Therese. I am extremely grateful for progress.
8/21/12
What to Wear to Your Lesbian Wedding
Once engaged to another lady, the first question that seems to come up from others is the following:
The best way to do this is to go with a matching color scheme. This color scheme can be present in the actual clothing itself, or you can use the bouquet(s) and/or boutonnieres to bring it all together.
Or... you can play with opposite colors OR the exact same clothing if you want.
I am embarrassed to admit how many hours I spent browsing wedding dresses online, but I will tell you that all of the ads on my Facebook page were suddenly wedding oriented. Before you head out to a bridal boutique get a good idea of what you're looking for, and what you may be able to get it for, it will make the whole experience a lot easier.
Another thing that my partner and I did was to go with each other to a David's Bridal just to browse and get an idea of what styles of dresses we liked best on ourselves. A word of warning though; although same sex marriage is becoming more prevalent, the majority of bridal store customers are still straight women and that's what they're used to. So, unless you walk in holding hands be prepared for "oh, you're sisters!" or "best friends getting married on the same day!" or "a joint wedding!" and then also be prepared to explain to the salesperson that you are gay and watch as their face becomes red and paralyzed and they excuse themselves to go and whisper it to all of the other employees in the store. This is a true story, and it happened even after we filled out all the paperwork which clearly stated we were marrying each other.
Once we had a good idea of the styles and color(s) we wanted the serious shopping began. I browsed the used wedding dresses at Once Wed, PreOwned Wedding Dresses, and Recycled Bride. I ordered a few to try on from Bloomingdales and JCrew before settling on a dress I found on eBay for $99. (I can't pass up a good deal). My partner found her dress at a local boutique here in Denver called The Bridal Collection for about $1000, and was happy with her dress and the service she received. We did our actual shopping separately and didn't see each other in our dresses until the day of the wedding, something I highly recommend.
"Are you both wearing dresses??"For some, the thought of being dressed in a frilly gown and paraded in front of everyone they know is simply not ever going to be a reality. Many of you would much rather get a swanky pants suit or some dapper vest/suit combo, wear some Chucks and stay comfortable. However, regardless of whether you're a pants lady or a dress lady, you still have to figure out what exactly you're going to wear to your own wedding. You also have to figure out what your bride-to-be is going to wear so that you can stand in front of everyone and loving glances and heart felt vows aside, look like you were made to be with one another.
The best way to do this is to go with a matching color scheme. This color scheme can be present in the actual clothing itself, or you can use the bouquet(s) and/or boutonnieres to bring it all together.
A color scheme is a good idea in general anyway, especially if you're a matchy-matchy type. Everything can match; from your clothes and invitations to your decorations.
If you want to stick with the classic white or ivory that's great too. But be careful because there is a wide variety of shades and fabrics considered white or ivory. Try to find the same shade or something close to what your future wife will be wearing. Choose clothing that best fits your personality. Don't worry about matching the style, the simplicity of the color leaves room for variation, and the bouquet(s) can give a nice pop of color.
If you both like the same kind of clothing and fit well into the same style then you'll look very symmetrical up at the altar.
Or... you can play with opposite colors OR the exact same clothing if you want.
There are many possible combinations out there. Before you really start shopping consider the following: What style(s) flatter my body type? Do those styles fit my personality? How much money can I spend on clothing? What is the weather going to be like during the wedding? Do I need to be able to dance in this outfit?
I am embarrassed to admit how many hours I spent browsing wedding dresses online, but I will tell you that all of the ads on my Facebook page were suddenly wedding oriented. Before you head out to a bridal boutique get a good idea of what you're looking for, and what you may be able to get it for, it will make the whole experience a lot easier.
Another thing that my partner and I did was to go with each other to a David's Bridal just to browse and get an idea of what styles of dresses we liked best on ourselves. A word of warning though; although same sex marriage is becoming more prevalent, the majority of bridal store customers are still straight women and that's what they're used to. So, unless you walk in holding hands be prepared for "oh, you're sisters!" or "best friends getting married on the same day!" or "a joint wedding!" and then also be prepared to explain to the salesperson that you are gay and watch as their face becomes red and paralyzed and they excuse themselves to go and whisper it to all of the other employees in the store. This is a true story, and it happened even after we filled out all the paperwork which clearly stated we were marrying each other.
Once we had a good idea of the styles and color(s) we wanted the serious shopping began. I browsed the used wedding dresses at Once Wed, PreOwned Wedding Dresses, and Recycled Bride. I ordered a few to try on from Bloomingdales and JCrew before settling on a dress I found on eBay for $99. (I can't pass up a good deal). My partner found her dress at a local boutique here in Denver called The Bridal Collection for about $1000, and was happy with her dress and the service she received. We did our actual shopping separately and didn't see each other in our dresses until the day of the wedding, something I highly recommend.
8/20/12
Keep Swimming Diana Nyad
As I write this there is a 62 year old lesbian swimming in the middle of the ocean on her way to Florida from Cuba. She volunteered to jump in against the gulf stream, amidst sharks and jellyfish, with a great void of ocean in front of her. She is not an immigrant trying to make her way to America, but she is a woman with a dream.
At the age of 60 Diana Nyad found herself looking for something but overwhelmed with regret. She was single after separating from a woman she called the love of her life, both of her parents had died and she realized that life had flown by and she wondered what she had to show for it.
This is not the first time Diana Nyad has attempted this swim, it is her fourth. But, with the assistance of a team of experts, an armada of support boats and her best friend and handler Bonnie Stoll at her side, she is now successfully 40 miles into her 103 mile trip. Back in 1979 she successfully swam 102.5 miles from Bimini to Florida, but those were much easier - not easy, what is easy about swimming 102.5 miles? However, the 103 miles to Florida from Cuba are rough, and full of sharks and jellyfish. It was the box jellyfish that did her in on her last attempt, and you can hear more about her amazing story in her TED talk below:
So far Diana has encounter a few jellyfish on this swim and received some stings on her hands and face. With the help of a special jellyfish suit hopefully she can persevere. You can follow her progress on her blog http://www.diananyad.com/blog or follow her on Twitter @diananyad.
If she continues, at some point tomorrow she will reach Florida, and then the next day she will turn 63. She is a female hero, defying the odds, the stereotypes, and the jellyfish. In the iconic words of Dory the fish, just keep swimming Diana, I can't wait to cheer for you when you get there.
UPDATE: 8/21/12 Early this morning Diana was pulled from the water amidst another big storm. After swimming for 41 hours and 45 minutes she was closer to her goal than ever before. However, with the extreme conditions and with stern advice from her team she didn't get back in the water.
At the age of 60 Diana Nyad found herself looking for something but overwhelmed with regret. She was single after separating from a woman she called the love of her life, both of her parents had died and she realized that life had flown by and she wondered what she had to show for it.
"I wasn't going to adopt a child, but I knew I needed something of that order. Something that would require everything in me. No time for neurotic meanderings about the past, no luxury of that. Got to be my best self."
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| Photograph by the great Catherine Opie (look at those jellyfish scars!) |
So far Diana has encounter a few jellyfish on this swim and received some stings on her hands and face. With the help of a special jellyfish suit hopefully she can persevere. You can follow her progress on her blog http://www.diananyad.com/blog or follow her on Twitter @diananyad.
If she continues, at some point tomorrow she will reach Florida, and then the next day she will turn 63. She is a female hero, defying the odds, the stereotypes, and the jellyfish. In the iconic words of Dory the fish, just keep swimming Diana, I can't wait to cheer for you when you get there.
UPDATE: 8/21/12 Early this morning Diana was pulled from the water amidst another big storm. After swimming for 41 hours and 45 minutes she was closer to her goal than ever before. However, with the extreme conditions and with stern advice from her team she didn't get back in the water.
8/16/12
Lesbian Film Review: Circumstance
Circumstance is an intense and powerful film about two teenage girls in Tehran, Iran. Shireen played by the ridiculously beautiful Sarah Kazemy, and Atafeh played expertly by Nikohl Boosheri are teenagers in love. On the outside their friendship is exceptionally close but the physical aspects of the relationship are kept behind closed doors, as is much of their life.
Atafeh belongs to a wealthy, liberal family. Shireen is an orphan of sorts, living with her aunt because both of her parents were killed for opposing the revolution. Atafeh and Shireen are at times your typical rebellious teens involved in drinking, drugs, illicit parties, sex and Western music and films. However, never do you forget that they are in Iran where every aspect of their lives is controlled by the state.
From what they wear, to how they behave, every character is under the thumb of surveillance. Shireen and Atafeh are literally being watched by Atafeh's older brother Mehran. He is a born again religious fundamentalist who will go to any lengths to preserve his forming ideals of morality.
Where I believe this film excels is in the honesty of the circumstances of a teenage, homosexual life in Iran; it just isn't allowed. The film itself had to be filmed outside of Iran, in Lebanon. The filming was under threat of being shut down and all of the actors and filmmakers had to come to terms with being exiled from Iran simply for participating in this project.
The acting is also exceptionally strong. There is so much that each character says by not saying anything or saying little. There is an inner dialogue that comes across beautifully through single glances or a hard stare. In a world where it is not safe to openly and honestly express your feelings, much of what is said to each other never gets spoken aloud.
Where this film lacks however seems to be in the connection between Shireen and Atafeh. Never did I doubt that they are close friends, but the intense, scary and new feelings that are present in any teenage romance are missing. There seems to be no danger within the relationship itself, only in the circumstances surrounding the relationship. As a result the sexual content feels put on, or practiced. When they talk about running away to Dubai I never believe for a second that their hearts are in it together. The outside circumstances that control their relationship are the focus and well understood by the end of the film. Although I wished for more from the individual characters, this film does a great job in giving us an honest glimpse into the life of an Iranian teen.
7/24/12
Lesbian Engagement Photos
Before the big day and maybe even before you start with much of your wedding planning you may want to consider getting some engagement photos taken. Most wedding photographers have an engagement photo shoot included in the wedding photo package. It is something you should consider taking advantage of. An engagement session gives the photographer and you a chance to get comfortable working with each other before the big day. It is also a chance to take some more relaxed, less formal photos in a variety of environments. And if you get some really good ones you can include them in your save the dates, wedding website, wedding invitations or an engagement announcement in your local paper.
Check out the section Real LGBT Weddings & Engagements to see lots of great examples of engagement photos and links to the photographers who took them.
For those of you in Colorado, here is a list and a sample of Colorado based photographers that are LGBT friendly:
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| Photographer Brian Kraft |
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| Photographer Timothy Faust |
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| Prideful Engagements |
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| Photographer Anslee Wolfe |
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| Photographer Sue Beckerman |
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| http://www.thismomentcolorado.com/ |
The Colorado photographers listed below also claim to be LGBT friendly photographers but currently don't have any examples of same sex weddings/engagements on their websites.
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