Lesbian Film Review - Desert Hearts

Desert Hearts came out back in 1985, almost twenty-seven years ago. It may be the first film to portray a happy lesbian ending - both women ride into the sunset together, alive, not apart, and not with a man on one arm or the other.

The story surrounds Vivian Bell, played by Helen Shaver, an elegant, sophisticated, Columbia University professor who has begun a six-week residency in Nevada while waiting to obtain a divorce. She has taken up temporary residence at a guest ranch in Reno for women seeking divorce (who knew?). Her host at the ranch is Frances, an older, single woman still grieving, (and drinking) for the man she had an affair with many years ago. Frances's brashness comes across as butch, but she's not the lesbian in this pic.

Vivian is cautious and seemingly cold but her lawyer is surprised by her requests for an end to her marriage without alimony or any form of restitution. She calmly explains that she is ending her marriage because she's seeking more in life, in love, and a relationship. She states her desire for these things but without the belief in their possibility.

Cay is a gangly, energetic, and brown-eyed, 25 year-old that we meet as she comes flying down the highway in a convertible shouting a conversation to Frances before driving off in the opposite direction.  Cay is openly (yet cautiously) lesbian. She is also the daughter of the man Frances has been grieving for and lives at the ranch with the other women. Upon meeting Vivian, Cay is clearly drawn in. The two spend time together, shopping and talking. Cay is full of compliments, and advances though Vivian seems somewhat oblivious - she is a woman used to being pursued. We see from these interactions Vivian's guard begin to come down. She is warm, potentially brave and beautiful.

Over time Cay's desire for Vivian gets the attention of Frances who promptly kicks Vivian out of the house. Although Frances loves Cay, she seems jealous and disapproves of her sexual pursuits, especially with the educated and affected woman she believes Vivian to be. Vivian's departure from the ranch is awkward and frustrating. Cay makes a spectacle and Vivian wants to hide away, avoiding contact with Cay and taking up residence at a nearby hotel.

Cay, ever diligent and naive continues her pursuit and eventually pushes her way into Vivian's hotel room. Vivian paces around the hotel room, nervously avoiding eye contact while trying to persuade Cay to leave. When she does finally look at Cay she sees her waiting, naked; resolved to stay. From here we watch Vivian unravel into a sexual awakening, into fear, into love, and into ecstasy.  As far as lesbian sex scenes go, this one is lovely. Helen Shaver beautifully portrays every element of Vivian's fearful desire; every touch is felt, and every moment is registered.  The two women shut the world away and become one, exploring each other for days, never seeming to leave each other's arms.

As they emerge from their lovemaking their circumstances as lesbians in 1950's rural America becomes more palpable. Both women exhibit courage as they try to figure out what happens next. Vivian's divorce is final and she is needed back at school. Cay escorts her to the train station and as they prepare to say goodbye Vivian invites Cay to escape with her to New York. Without luggage or preparation Cay accepts,  and in the final moments of the film she boards the train at Vivian's side.

Yes this movie is over twenty years old, but it still resonates as a true and honest portrayal of lesbian love. If you can get beyond the saturated colors of the film, dated hair and wardrobe, and the awkward, often inferior acting of Patricia Charbonneau (Cay), you will surely get drawn in. Helen Shaver as Vivian is great, and the sweeping landscape of the American West frames the film beautifully. To top it off the film has a great soundtrack of Patsy Cline, Elvis Presley, and Johnny Cash (just to name a few).

According to director Donna Dietch's website, a sequel is in the works...

Quite A Peace

We've just finished watching seasons one and two of Lip Service, a great dramatic series about lesbians from the BBC. It's currently streaming on Netflix and may be my favorite lesbian television show for the following reason: it was produced by the BBC which means foreign accents, grit and humor, nudity and a fair amount of swearing.

It also seems like a much more realistic interpretation of lesbian life than anything Hollywood has produced. These ladies are in their early thirties, working in Glasgow, or trying to find work, fucking up, and dealing with normal events, they're not super glamorous, just lesbians navigating their way through their relationships with each other. Sure there is a few questionable things like who thought Cat and Frankie made any sense together? But the show keeps getting better and I think it has a lot to do with one pretty hot lady cop played by Heather Peace.

There's a lot of other really great character's as well, but Heather Peace is the only real lesbian actress on the show. And although that doesn't mean the others don't pull it off convincingly, it certainly adds a bit of intrigue into Sam; the pretty, responsible, loving, and successful cop with the challenging story line, and a butch swagger. Plus she's pretty adorable in real life too. Her partner Ellie posts ridiculously sweet pictures like this on Twitter:

And, when she's not doing the acting thing she's performing in music gigs all around Scotland and the UK. She has a band, and an album, Fairytales, which you can preview and purchase here.  I'm a sucker for a pretty, talented lesbian who can play the guitar, but I'm also really interested in seeing what happens with Detective Sargent Sam Murray in Season 3 of Lip Service which hopefully will be in the works soon. Until then we will just have to watch and re-watch the first two seasons and wonder what will happen with Sam, and Lexy, and Tess, and Sadie, Frankie....

For Pat and Dave

This year has been a struggle for all of us LGBTs fighting for equality in Colorado. We made some great strides but also saw first hand how grossly unfair some individuals and groups can be towards us. Back in April and May I was at the Capitol Building several days in a row, protesting, watching and waiting as the fate of the Civil Unions Bill was up and then down, and then back up again until its final death by a kill committee. During all of that drama I met some great people, and I learned a lot about Colorado Legislators, and the local political press. It seemed like one big dysfunctional family and since that time I've felt a kinship with those who stood out in front of the fight, and one such hero was Colorado State Senator Pat Steadman. 

For those of you who don't know Pat, he's openly gay, a democrat, and this past week he lost his partner David Misner to pancreatic cancer. Dave and Pat were together for 11 years. They modeled the type of relationship that any couple would envy. In July the couple announced that Dave had been diagnosed with a deadly, aggressive cancer but they remained optimistic. Despite losing civil unions to  political shenanigans Pat and Dave kept on going. And despite facing the underlined legal inequities that come with being LGBT and the challenge of dying, Pat and Dave kept going. Why? Because that's what you do when you love someone. 

Their love, their struggle and their loss are real. But despite the pain of it all there is still a rallying spirit. Pat Steadman, one of our State's heroes needs us to rally around him now just like he rallied for all of us. None of us should have to experience the loss of a spouse, but it happens, and we are often powerless against it. But, we do have the power to change the law so that when terrible events like this do happen we aren't treated unfairly because we are gay. I know it sometimes feels like there is a long, hard road ahead of us before all Coloradans are considered equal under the eyes of the law, but we can't forget. Relationships like these are just too precious not to protect.

A memorial service will be held for Dave Misner on Monday, September 24th at 10:30 a.m. in Mitchell Hall at the Denver Botanic Gardens, 1007 York Street, Denver. Make a charitable donation to the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network in memory of David Misner at http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/Dave_Misner/KeeptheMemoryAlive

How To Date A Lesbian - Step 1

The number of LGBT people out there today is thought to be somewhere between 7 - 14% of the population. So, if you think numerically about your chances of finding another lesbian (4-7%), but also a lesbian who is single, the right age, and one that you are emotionally and sexually attracted to you are left with maybe 1-2 % of the entire population.  Daunting - (you are looking for a needle in a haystack, but she's your needle and I bet she's out there looking for you too).

The days of community dances and soda fountains is sadly over, but so are the days of underground lesbian dating, thank goodness. We all spend more time on our computers than we do socializing with the people in our community and getting to know our neighbors. For these reasons finding a date through a friend, a church, or a bar can be a bit more difficult than it used to be.

Over ten years ago I was living in San Francisco and desperately wanted to find a date. I made a t-shirt out of the above image and wore it to Pride, I didn't even get a wink in my direction. So, I cut off all my hair so I would "look like a lesbian", but that didn't do it either. Turns out you have to actually ask for dates, not just wait for them to happen to you.

Today there are many resources out there to help you find the woman of your dreams. The best lesbian dating resource is right in front of you - your computer. "Online Dating" has gotten a bad rep in years past, but for a lesbian who wants to safely, and effeciently begin looking for love it is the greatest tool you have. You may still get the occasional creepy guy that for some reason has nothing better to do than respond to a dating ad that explicitly says NO MEN! but you will also meet real, true lesbians!

My advice: don't spread yourself too thin - as we learned above, you're looking for 1-2% of the population. There are a number of dating sites that now cater to same sex couples. Here are a few I think you should consider:

okcupid.com - This site seems to be the most populated lesbian dating site in most American cities/states. It's free, and it's where I met my wife. If you fill out a number of dating surveys your search is narrowed to women who want the same things as you do in a relationship and you get a rate on your possible compatibility.

match.com - Also a lot of lesbians on this site, but you have to pay and it's not particularly cheap. If you're frugal like me choose the free profile and then in your description somewhere remark how you can be found on other dating sites. If someone is really interested they will track you down on another site and you can save your money for your first date.

pinkcupid.com - This is a newer site but it is exclusively for lesbians. It may take a few years for it to build up a good reputation, but it is rapidly growing.

craigslist.com - I met my best friend in the women seeking women section. We corresponded back and forth, met up for dinner but the physical attraction wasn't mutual. Best friends are awesome too.

To be a good online dater you've got to know what you want and not be afraid to go get it. Don't waste another woman's time postponing a real life meeting if you're just not interested, it's not a very nice thing to do. Also, if you just want to screw around say so, and if you're looking for the uhaul put it out there, honesty is truly the best policy here. Correspond via email a couple of times to make sure that you've got some type of connection. When you're comfortable ask for a meeting, I recommend a coffee shop or public place just to be on the safe side. First meetings can be awkward but if you've built up some communication through email just continue the conversation in person.

The best advice I can give you is to be patient. Dating can sometimes share the same type of drudgery as job hunting. You can get really excited and build up another woman in your head and then when you meet you are disappointed or it just doesn't work out and you are left feeling defeated and exhausted. Be patient, don't give up, and have faith that when the time is right you will find her.

A+ for Lesbian Families

Zach Wahls, the shining example of what kind of child lesbian moms can raise speaks at the DNC. 

If you remember, Zach Wahls first entered the spotlight at 19 when he spoke during a public forum on House Joint Resolution 6 in Iowa (which would end civil unions in Iowa). Since then he and his moms have been doing a pretty stellar job (same sex marriage is legal in Iowa!) representing strong LGBT families and making public appearances on news programs and talk shows.

Mama Obama

Last night at the Democratic National Convention first lady Michelle Obama gave the following speech:

It was a strange sensation for me to watch the first lady in the theatre and noise of the election speak so honestly and compassionately. Here the most famous woman in our country made me proud of America, proud of our president, and proud of who I am. I felt like she was speaking for me, not to me, and I became immensely proud. I wish that everyone would take a moment to watch - a solid 25 minutes of happiness.

It's often easy to get angry and impatient, and blame another, point fingers and get greedy. If we could all be a bit more compassionate, a bit more patient, and bit more generous then maybe we would stop taking all of our struggles for granted and keep pushing forward for what is right, together. At a time when we are being barraged by political ads and told how lousy each candidate is, and getting all up in each other's faces about Republican vs. Democrat and all of the lies in-between, it's humbling to hear a speech about kindness, pride, and sacrifice. I'm ready to be this proud for the next four years, are you?