The number of LGBT people out there today is thought to be somewhere between 7 - 14% of the population. So, if you think numerically about your chances of finding another lesbian (4-7%), but also a lesbian who is single, the right age, and one that you are emotionally and sexually attracted to you are left with maybe 1-2 % of the entire population. Daunting - (you are looking for a needle in a haystack, but she's your needle and I bet she's out there looking for you too).
The days of community dances and soda fountains is sadly over, but so are the days of underground lesbian dating, thank goodness. We all spend more time on our computers than we do socializing with the people in our community and getting to know our neighbors. For these reasons finding a date through a friend, a church, or a bar can be a bit more difficult than it used to be.
Over ten years ago I was living in San Francisco and desperately wanted to find a date. I made a t-shirt out of the above image and wore it to Pride, I didn't even get a wink in my direction. So, I cut off all my hair so I would "look like a lesbian", but that didn't do it either. Turns out you have to actually ask for dates, not just wait for them to happen to you.
Today there are many resources out there to help you find the woman of your dreams. The best lesbian dating resource is right in front of you - your computer. "Online Dating" has gotten a bad rep in years past, but for a lesbian who wants to safely, and effeciently begin looking for love it is the greatest tool you have. You may still get the occasional creepy guy that for some reason has nothing better to do than respond to a dating ad that explicitly says NO MEN! but you will also meet real, true lesbians!
My advice: don't spread yourself too thin - as we learned above, you're looking for 1-2% of the population. There are a number of dating sites that now cater to same sex couples. Here are a few I think you should consider:
okcupid.com - This site seems to be the most populated lesbian dating site in most American cities/states. It's free, and it's where I met my wife. If you fill out a number of dating surveys your search is narrowed to women who want the same things as you do in a relationship and you get a rate on your possible compatibility.
match.com - Also a lot of lesbians on this site, but you have to pay and it's not particularly cheap. If you're frugal like me choose the free profile and then in your description somewhere remark how you can be found on other dating sites. If someone is really interested they will track you down on another site and you can save your money for your first date.
pinkcupid.com - This is a newer site but it is exclusively for lesbians. It may take a few years for it to build up a good reputation, but it is rapidly growing.
craigslist.com - I met my best friend in the women seeking women section. We corresponded back and forth, met up for dinner but the physical attraction wasn't mutual. Best friends are awesome too.
To be a good online dater you've got to know what you want and not be afraid to go get it. Don't waste another woman's time postponing a real life meeting if you're just not interested, it's not a very nice thing to do. Also, if you just want to screw around say so, and if you're looking for the uhaul put it out there, honesty is truly the best policy here. Correspond via email a couple of times to make sure that you've got some type of connection. When you're comfortable ask for a meeting, I recommend a coffee shop or public place just to be on the safe side. First meetings can be awkward but if you've built up some communication through email just continue the conversation in person.
The best advice I can give you is to be patient. Dating can sometimes share the same type of drudgery as job hunting. You can get really excited and build up another woman in your head and then when you meet you are disappointed or it just doesn't work out and you are left feeling defeated and exhausted. Be patient, don't give up, and have faith that when the time is right you will find her.
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